Crap Joke Thread

[Grantus]

   

[Oldman]

Crap jokes or just weird facts….?
Maybe we need another thread 

[Wayne Murray]

   

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[BrianK]

   

[wirrah]

An extremely rare photo of a stork delivering a baby.

I'm amazed how well Storks can dress kids. I know Parrots are extremely intelligent birds but Storks are obviously without rival. That said the new parents need to contact the supplier as that child is obviously New Old Stock.

[Rossco]

Bloke walks into a pub, says to the barman "I'll have a large scotch please"
Barman says"How would you like that Sir neat..."
Bloke says"yes, but sometimes a pull my shirt out"...

[wirrah]

   

[Wombatventures]

M.C. Escher strikes again'

[Grantus]

   

[wirrah]

Mathematics:

This comes from 2 maths teachers with a combined total of 70 yrs. experience. It has an indisputable mathematical logic. This is a strictly .....  mathematical viewpoint... and it goes like this:

What makes 100%?

What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far arse kissing will take you.

A-R-S-E-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+18+19+5+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 131%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty, that while Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there.
It's the Bullshit and Arse Kissing that will put you over the top.

Now you know why some people are where they are!

[Ed. I de-americanised this. It talked about ASSKISSING but I don't know how far kissing a donkey would get you]